Goodbye Eli my friend.

My friend Eli died on Friday. He and his wife had been together for 60 years. After a mere 15 years Mark feels like such a necessary part of me. I can't imagine what it is like to lose that. More than 60 years! Can you imagine? I can't. They grew together and raised a family of 4 amazingly sensitive and lovely sons. They were with their dad not only at the end but throughout his illness as well. What a lucky family. Until now.

His service is Saturday afternoon. I won't speak of course - it isn't my place, but if I could, I would talk about how until the very end, until our 2nd to the last visit, the first words out of his mouth were always, "how's Mark?". His capacity for generosity knew no bounds. Eli was (oh how I hate that word) my neighbor and was my first line of defense when Mark wasn't around. On the day my beloved dog Moon would die, it was Eli who rushed us speeding to the vet and offered to wait with me. That meant so much to me. The last time I saw him, I was sitting with him while his wife ran an errand. The errand took longer than she expected and Eli was not doing well. Emma, the spiritual adviser from hospice showed up while I was there and we woke him up so they could talk. He wasn't really alert enough to speak to her. I don't think he knew I was there as he had been asleep throughout my whole visit. When Emma told him I let him in, I think he misunderstood her to say that she met me. He said, "Robin's a great gal". That was one of the very last thngs I heard him say. What a lovely memory to have. Thank you Eli, for that, and so  much more. I miss you already.

Drowning....

I love school. I LOVE it but I have so much homework right now. No time to write and barely any time to take pictures. It's spring and the Love in a Mist is blooming in the backyard once again. Lovely!
I have to finish my storyboarding assignment. I have no clue how this will help me with graphics. I understand the whole planning process but I am not going to work in film and so why am I drawing little bitty people arguing on the side of the road?? To clarify, I chose a scene from Revolutionary Road that has the couple's relationship in the midst of it's steady course to destruction. Not a lot of action so I have to try and draw the gamut of crap emotions on the character's faces. I am so not good at this. As proof, I am attaching a page of last week's roughs.
Argh! Back to it.

Lily, sweet Lily

Mark and I had a great time in San Diego with my Lily last week. We went to the zoo one day and the wild animal park the next. She is so precious and funny. She makes great faces and can already flare her nostrils fast enough to give me (the champ) a run for my money!

When I look at her I think of all of the things that may be barriers to her happiness. The fake image of beauty we hold in such esteem. The idea that suffering is necessary in relationships. I worry that my son, her father, will get married and have babies with another woman. Of course I want him to be happy but I also want the world for Lily and I know what it's like to have your position usurped by a new and improved family. It's hurtful and can affect the rest of your life. I hope that somehow all of these obstacles can be overcome and that she can find the happiness that everyone deserves but so few seem to attain.

Sigh.

Okay. Pictures. Here is my angel.

Decisions, decisions....

It's fun to be taking a photography one class after shooting for a while.
We're finishing up the quarter and have to choose our best 4 to print. Below are the 10 I have chosen. Trying to decide which to print.

Hmmmmm.....

I'm not feeling so well today or the last few days actually.
I just feel a bit achy and I'm not sleeping well. The power of a good night's sleep cannot be underestimated. Oi.

I think I'll go take a nap with my puppies and my sweetie.

Back later.

Naps in our house are generally a family affair. My Markie likes to sleep with 2 pillows length-wise down his torso to keep warm (weird!) and Luna likes to go up on top of the pillow on his chest and sleep there while Abby sleeps at our feet with her little snout resting on one of us. Today it was on her daddy's ankle. What a sight.
I don't feel much better but I think I'll go make cookies. Peanut butter. That usually helps. How can you feel sad while baking?
:-)

Awwwwww....

I just can't imagine a world without puppies!

RAIN!

Finally, rain! I must admit to guiltily enjoying the last couple of weeks of sunshine but I am glad the rain is finally here. Mark, Abby and I have been hiking and bird watching and just enjoying this unseasonably warm January. Last week we saw a beautiful young coyote. She was so playful and gorgeous. She was hopping around in the tall grass probably scaring some small animal into an early grave but we sure were happy to share the trail with her.
Today Mark and I headed up to Rancho San Antonio knowing it could rain buckets on us but it didn't. It was so lovely and green with a heavy mist over everything. It was just beautiful. That is what being in church should feel like. We surprised a few animals coming out of the mist the way we did. We walked within 10 feet of a few deer, were treated to the sight of about 10 California Quail crossing the trail and best of all, we saw a bobcat. It was a little bit of a thing but with the attitude of a mountain lion. He watched us back for a few seconds and then, in no particular hurry at all, turned his back on us and padded slowly away.

Some days you just feel so lucky to be breathing on this incredible planet ya know?

Joy and Peace

Journey? Like, with Steve Perry?

We've all heard it said that it's not the destination but the journey that's important. I have always given that homily passing agreement but tonight, because of something on This American Life , it suddenly struck me, like struck me, that even if you do get your heart's desire, a published book, art in a museum, etc. that stunning moment is simply that. A moment in time. We really do need to take the time to get all we can out of the moments leading up to that next big (or small) moment.

I have been trying to be conscious of that and it is probably why I was struck so damned hard (Another homily about the teacher coming when one is ready to be taught comes to mind) as I do my finals. After all, these finals are in Photoshop! And Illustrator! Well okay, and in InDesign but ahem, the deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy it can contain. Or words to that affect.
:-)

Mexican Islas

I took this in Mexico last month. It was off the Nayarit coast close to Puerto Vallarta. They were lovely and green under a cloudy sky.

Rally against Prop 8

I love this first line from a San Jose Mercury News article on line:

"They stood together on the plaza outside San Jose's City Hall Saturday under a cloudless blue sky, the sun shining down on gay and straight demonstrators alike, as if they were just exactly the same."

I like knowing my local paper is on the same side that I am. :-)

I met up with a group of rally attendees at the Billy DeFrank Center, at 9:00 this morning. We stood around for a while waiting for more people to join us for a walk to City Hall scheduled for 9:30.
I enviously eyed the folks drinking coffee from the swanky-cool newish coffee house next door. I was afraid to drink the coffee. Or the water for that matter. Why you ask? Because I was (rightly) worried there would be no place to PEE! That was my main concern. Okay maybe not my main concern but it is something I think about.

There was a great group at San Jose's rally. The news reported 900 people. I'm not sure I saw that many people but there were hundreds for sure. All kinds of people gave up their Saturday morning for the cause. There were gay people, straight people, kid-people and pups galore. There was a lot of chanting. I felt like I was back in the Marine Corps.

What do we want?
Equality!
When do we want it?
NOW!

Surprisingly, I still have my voice (Sorry Mark).

I'm thrilled to know that Prop 8 has become a springboard to bring gay rights to the forefront all over the world. There have been small victories but the job just isn't done until everyone is equal. Period.

I was talking to my friend the other day and trying to figure out from an anthropological standpoint, why people seem to need someone, a group of people to feel superior to. Is it pack mentality? The pecking order that determines who eats? Even though as a rule that isn't an issue anymore, is this behavior a remnant of that time in our evolution? I will probably never know.

In closing this evening I'll say something I didn't think was possible even this morning but I believe there is something to be grateful for in the passage of Prop 8 and that is that I believe it will be the catalyst for the world working toward total rights for all humans. Maybe it will even help women (please) in countries where they have no rights and no worth. Maybe soon they can stand up for their rights as well. I'm ready to stand for anyone being denied the basic human rights that we are all absolutely entitled to.

Tomorrow Mark's band is playing at Palo Alto's Farmer's Market which means I have to get up early for a Sunday (7) so goodnight vast universe into which my thoughts go.

Thank you from me to anyone out there who is fighting the good fight. Or should I say fights?

Prop 8 Continued

I took this picture in downtown San Jose at Guadalupe River Park. I stood up on a bench by the tennis courts and shot a picture of an old barn-ish place that is now in the process of being torn down.

Like so many of my fellow civil rights activists, I am still horrified by the passage of Prop 8. It has cast a shadow over what should be a time of celebration and HOPE. I am glad that people are mobilizing against Prop 8 as it gives me a place to protest. Protest. That almost seems too tame a word for what I really want to do. I want to scream til I’m hoarse. I want to force every one of those who voted 8 in to look a gay person in the face and tell them why they feel they shouldn’t have the same basic rights as they do. Tell them why they took away their civil rights.

I really don't understand how we can take such a basic right away from people. Doesn't it say in the Declaration of Independence that all men (and women) are created equal?

I watched a spoof video on The Onion that said we have finally become so angry and disillusioned that we could elect a Black man.

True. Damnit.

It’s interesting that those who have historically professed to be in favor of less government in our lives are the very people who are actually snooping in people’s bedrooms. You just can’t get more invasive than that!

Wasn't this country founded in the name of freedom? Our ancestors, except those brought here as slaves of course, came here to be free. To escape those who treated them as less than equal.

When we first arrived, to be free of tyranny, we almost immediately began our own tyranny against Native Americans. Why do we always seem to feel the need to designate someone to be less than us? Why must we operate from a place of there not being enough for everyone? Why can’t we be tolerant, loving, and generous? I just don’t get it. Is it bred into us, this need?

Some times it seems as though we become less enlightened as time goes by.

There is hope for us yet!

What a place to be this morning. I am over the moon that Barack is our President –elect. I never really thought the American people would come through. My faith in my country is restored. I can’t see him on TV without tears coming to my eyes every time. It’s a miraculous time.
I was so impressed by the volunteers who came out for Barack. At the SJ campaign headquarters you saw every type of person. I saw young Black people and young whites which was a wonderful site to see. The passion shown by young voters is incredible and hopefully not an anomaly. There were people both Black and white in their 30s, 40s, and much, much older as well, giving up their time to make calls and knock on doors to create this climate of hope and change. I am just amazed and thrilled and I must say, a bit scared. Overall though, it’s just magic!

I hear Whoopie Goldberg say something profoundly moving this morning.
To paraphrase, she said "that she had always felt herself to be an American and a proud American but last night, she felt like she was able to put her suitcase down. She didn't even realize she had been holding it up all this time."
What a beautiful thing to finally put it down. Wow.

That the same people who elected Barack Obama would vote for Proposition 8 constitutionally banning same sex marriages is abhorrent! Why must there always be a social/moral caste system. Why must we always have someone to look down upon and make them wrong? The only glimmer of hope is that I know that someday things will change. Why must we wait for those who hate to die off? I am just devastated and shocked and angry. My brother said the reason he was for the idea of Prop 8 (He lives in Missouri so is not affected by this issue in any way. Yet.) is that he doesn’t want gays to be able to raise children. He would rather have that kids have no parents than gay parents. That anyone would choose to have kids in the foster system than with loving parents of any persuasion is incomprehensible to me. I just don’t get it. To vote based on how you wish things were is not logical or realistic. For myself, I think anyone who wants to provide a loving home for children should face no obstacle based on sexual orientation. Because someone is born gay is no reason to be treated any differently than anyone else damnit!

Thank goodness Proposition 4 is so far being voted down. But only narrowly.
The proposed law that would require doctors to notify parents of minors seeking abortions. Again that’s like saying that is we vote this law into affect teenage girls in trouble would no longer have abusive parents and that all kids can now easily go and speak to their parents when they are in trouble thanks to a bunch of misinformed voters. I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way.
There are so many misconceptions around Planned Parenthood. When PP or anyone is called pro-abortion it makes me crazy. No one is pro-abortion. It’s always, always a tragedy when someone is in the position of choosing abortion but PP gives information on all of a woman’s choices (CHOICE!) not only abortion. There is counseling and support for the women who need it.
We are pro-choice; not pro-abortion.

There is nothing that can be done about Prop 8. Next time though, I will work to defeat it. In the meantime all we can do is educate people whenever and wherever we can.

Today I will focus on the fact that my new president is a calm and measured man of great intellect, an original thinker with immense passion and compassion. We should all vow to work in service to the new ideals and vision of hope that we have chosen.

A close friend

I love the ocean and everything in it. When I look at the ocean, I see it in a cut-away view like a school room poster with all of the sea creatures in it at their preferred depth. You just never know what may come popping out at any given time. Maybe a pod of dolphins will appear. Maybe a flock (?) of flying fish or a mother and baby humpback whale. I love that surprise and the mystery of it all. My Markie and I have had amazing adventures in the ocean. We had the extreme privilege of swimming with a pod of wild dolphins. So humbling. We have been joined more than once on snorkeling expeditions by spotted eagle rays. They are so beautiful as they fly through the water like magical birds. On our last snorkeling trip I met a white tip reef shark up close and personal. After a split second of misplaced fear I relaxed and enjoyed the encounter.
One of the scariest -in a cool way- creatures of the deep is the Humboldt Squid. Check him out!

Although we are only 30 miles from the Pacific ocean, it is FREEZING so we rely on vacations for our watery fun. To get us through between our adventures, we are members of the Monterey Bay Aquarium. During one of our recent afternoons there, we had the pleasure of making the aquaintance of the Cuttle Fish pictured above. He (?) was so cool. We hung out with him for over an hour and he really put on a show. He stayed right by us and seemed as interested in us as we were of him. The employee we spoke to said the Cuttle Fish are very friendly and that they recognize their keepers and friends. We were happy to spend time with him and he was kind enough to pose for this picture.

Later gators!

More Love in a Mist